I realized that
Our society
Has programmed me
To love the answers more
Than the questions.

And it shows.

Most of the time,
I prefer leaps, not walks.
I prefer sprint, not marathon.
I prefer things fast, not the slow nor the gradual.
I prefer a spoiler, not the slow burn nor the mystery as it unfolds.
I prefer the product, not the process.
I prefer shaping my experience to happen
in the order that I want,
not surrendering on how
the dice randomly rolls
from the Universe’s Hands.

I prefer this. I prefer that.
But not everything is a choice, anyway.

And so, I invite Patience once again.
Allow her to sit me up in stillness,
Unmoving in one place,
Waiting and trusting,
While everything settles & clears,
So I can avoid undue haste.

She reminded me that without her,
I’d be consumed by irritation.
I’d be exhausted by decisions born out of fear.
I’d be mortified by impulsive mistakes.
When I could have used a small window of option—
to pay more attention,
which is always available.

And so,
I keep on facing what’s in front of me,
To the best of my ability,
Without getting engrossed
with my own expectations.
I keep on facing what’s in front of me,
Through the uneasiness of what faith demands of me,
Whether I have more or lack of it.
I keep on facing what’s in front of me,
Through the highs and lows of this balancing act that,
Whatever it takes,
I can bear the pain.
I can endure the waiting.
I can withstand this hurdle.
I can find some tenderness
despite the torment.
I can thrive by living out the question,
unanswered in the moment,

No matter what happens.

“45 Days of Weathering the Storm” by AngelicaEH


Hope you feel better soon
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Xtian
Xtian
2 months ago

Love you!!

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